Crossing the Border

"Change is the only constant in a constantly changing world." I heard this quote somewhere and it has stuck with me ever since. In the past year, I've gotten engaged, married, finished graduate classes, moved to a new city, interned in a foreign country, started and quit a new job, successfully gone through immigration with my husband and not necessarily in that order. Needless to say, I've been through a lot of change in a short amount of time.

Communication and change are hard enough, but I'm a newlywed in an international marriage living in a bilingual big city in Texas. I'm an Arkansas girl. I like smaller towns immune to hurricanes. But this new city has its positives. For one, culture. As I'm waiting on my parking meter to accept my debit card, I hear three different languages being spoken around me. I'm in the hub of downtown. I'm meeting my husband for a quick lunch before he has to get back to his busy work day. I have with me a home cooked lunch of Mexican chicken (he loves it but never heard of it before I cooked it) and seasoned potatoes.

I'm bringing this hot lunch as a peace offering. One challenge that awaits newlyweds are expectations. He expects certain things from me I would never think of doing on my own. For example, he likes me to lay out his work clothes for him in the morning. I wash, fold, hang all the laundry. It's organized in our closet. So why the hell should I lay it out for him is what I'm thinking. I grew up in a home where my dad did most of the ironing. My parents shared household chores and I often saw my dad cook and even preferred his cooking most of the time. So you can imagine the argument that ensued upon my refusal (at first) to this idea.

He starts, "I don't understand why you don't want to lay out my clothes. I mean, my mom always did it."
"Well, did your mom SLEEP with you too?"
A look of disdain and shock is alive on his face.
"No, I didn't think so, therefore you are perfectly capable to finding yourself something to wear!"

Call me harsh but this is what I said. I found it childish to not be able to go into a closet and come out with a shirt and slacks. As an independent-minded educated woman, I have never been into the submissive wife, don't question your mate idea. Going to a Baptist college shed light on how many girls are into that. But oh, not me!

Come to find out, my husband can dress himself quite well. After failing to comply with his wish among other expectations we both had for each other, we talked. After working to define our expectations and judging whether they were acceptable or far-flung, I have come to realize laying out clothes isn't so bad. I don't do it every morning but I am beginning to realize it's not about who does this and who does that but rather about making each other feel cared for and loved. He cooks for me. He picks up our dogs' poop. He pays bills as I'm looking for a job. But bottom line, he's there for me. He's my best friend. So am I submissive? Hell no. But more helpful when he asks? Yes. And a hot breakfast was next on the list!

Sure, his country and mine share borders but upon crossing over ours to his, the international divide crept in and will continue to creep in. But who is really to say his idea of the helpful wife and my idea of the independent wife can't find a mutual ground...Mexico. Land of my husband. Land of my love. Land I love.